I am so often guilty of running through life at a pace so fast, that at night when I open my book to read my Bible, I fall asleep in the first few seconds because I am so exhausted. Too often I find myself striving and striving to push to the next thing, without enjoying the moment I'm in. And as I wrote about the blog before, the last two months, have just been ridiculously busy.
But last week, girls' Bible study night, God gave me a special and personal reminder of His love and grace and also just how important it is to SLOW DOWN. I worked three shifts in a row last week and was in the middle of working these 12 hour shifts (that quickly turn into 13-14 hours by the time you drive to work) and if you are not a nurse, you might not understand how mentally and physically exhausting these shifts can be.
Girls' Bible study was something I committed to leading out in this year because I really wanted to serve God in a new way and I believe a community of girls' lifting each other up and sharing about their walks with God is so important. But because I worked that same day I was running so late to the Bible study, and immediately Satan just started putting lies and complaints in my mind as I was driving over.
"It's your fault for being late because you are the leader." "You shouldn't have started the Bible study it is too much of a time commitment." "You are not a good nurse and not a good enough Christian to be leading the Bible study."All these lies, all these negative thoughts, some of them escalating from my day spent as a nurse, because I had a very difficult family I had been taking care of. And I remember praying before I got to Bible study, help the girls to not just be waiting for me since I was running late, and God and help me to be a light when I'm there even though I feel dark inside.
Immediately, as I walked outside to Bible study I felt this overwhelming peace and life and sense of the Holy Spirit being present. I heard the sound of a guitar and the sound of all these sweet voices singing out in praise to God. And I was so overwhelmed by God's answer to my prayer and the reassurance that I needed in Him. We sang together, and it was so special. Guys, there is nothing like music, singing outside by a bonfire, lifting your souls up to God. It soothed my soul, it is powerful, and it was so needed. I closed my eyes and immediately felt transported closer to the presence of God.
That night- God met me there- in the middle of my busy week, the stress, the hurrying, my meager attempt to meet God at Girls' Bible study by showing up, and God met me there. I felt seen by Him, I felt loved by Him. And sometimes you need those times of feeling drawn close in order to give you the strength to keep carrying on. That night was exactly what I needed, to remind me what a personal and awesome God I serve and also to inspire me to want to continue leading girls' Bible study more.
And the night got even better, because we had girls' sharing their testimonies of what God has done for them, and how God has rescued them. It was powerful and inspiring. I'm so full of gratitude for what God did for me and what God did for each one of the girls on Tuesday night. And I know the journey is not over, God is still drawing us in, seeking to reveal His presence in a more active way in my life as well as working in our Bible study.