As I told you before, I signed my name on the line to become a Pediatric nurse. And yet some point around six months into nursing- the very calling Jesus led me too, I felt SO discouraged and depressed and alone.
Satan taunted me "You can't do this. Your not a good nurse." Throwing my failures in my face I began to believe Him. And I became angry, discouraged, wounded. Why God would you call me to a career I never wanted to do so you could fail me? Where God is your promise of joy and peace in the midst of tragedy? How can I bring hope to my patients when I have no hope inside myself?
Attitude really is everything. And the little things often amount to making the biggest difference. I was deeply bitter, deeply angry, to the point where I had nothing positive to say about my work.
Then one day, after a really tough week, my charge nurse decided to cross train me to the NICU. I got to follow another nurse who didn't always love her work environment, but truly loved her patients. I got to hold, feed, and love on little bitty babies. And it was SO HEALING.
Being in the NICU I remembered why I loved kids and babies and I remembered why I wanted to be a Pediatric nurse. I saw some of the tiniest little babes and got to bottle feed them, swaddle, diaper, and gavage feeds into their little tummies. I talked to my babies and talked to my coworkers and I was deeply encouraged that God cares about my heart. That God did not call me to the wrong career but that I was just in a valley. That maybe there was hope or a silver lining. That there were patients that needed my love.
I felt like God hadn't been caring me about lately. But through Him letting me cross train to the NICU, something I had wanted to do for a while, I knew He did. Through the people He had sent into my life to encourage me and pray over me this past week, I knew He loved me. I knew my God wasn't going to leave me in a hospital alone. I knew He had a promise for me.
So as I wake up to go back to the hospital for another shift, I pray to God. Remember me. Strengthen me. Teach me.
Teach me how to be a nurse that loves my kids.
Teach me how to be a nurse that has neverending patience with the families I work with.
Teach me how to be a nurse that can find joy in the most trying circumstances and makes the best out of every situation.
And thank you God again, for making me a nurse. I'm sorry for the times I complain because I do believe you have good things for me.
And I have to thank Jesus and I have to thank those sweet bitty babies in the NICU and say thanks for reminding me of Jesus' love.