My Wondering Heart
"And you will seek me and find me, when you search for me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13"
"What does that even mean God? How do I even do that?"I cried out.
For I have a heart that's striving, a mind that's quick to wonder, a brain that's fast to want things for myself. How do I really seek God with all my heart? What does it mean to desire Him most and what if I don't desire Him?
And I heard God whisper to me "Every day surrender your wondering heart."
In the parable of Matthew 13:44 a man found treasure in a field he didn't own. So he sold all that he had so that he could buy the field containing the treasure. Pretty smart right. But I have to wonder, what if he found that treasure, but what if he liked his life- his toys- the things he had. And what if instead of buying the field he decided to just go over to the field to visit and like peak at it sometimes. Not to buy it, but to look at it, to keep it a secret, to hope it would stay waiting for him another day. What if he didn't buy that field? What if like the rich young ruler, in Matthew 19:16-30, we didn't think Jesus- and knowing God the ultimate treasure- enough to be worth giving everything .What if we turned away because we wanted something else. Friends, there are so many idols. There are so many temptations calling for our attention, and our envy, and our hearts. The Devil is prowling like a roaring lion, seeking to devour us, seeking to destroy us by turning our hearts to selfishness. Father, how often I betray you. And I create idols in the form of dreams or things I view as important. Forgetting that you are the only thing that is worth living for. Help me to know that you alone are the only treasure worth pursuing. Teach me what it means to love you with my whole heart. To search for your approval, and your love, and my worth from you and you alone. That's what I want Lord Jesus- to be yours. Teach me what it means to seek you, to run after you. To chase after you like the treasure that you are; the Savior that you are. Give me the will to want more and more of you- and less and less of anything this world has to offer.